work

Listen up, Young Grasshopper.

On the hunt for that dream job? Spent hours drafting the perfect cover letter? Emailed that ridiculous, grammatically perfect cover letter to anyone and everyone that may just look twice at it? Ready to give that phone interview a whirl? Well, before you go any further, listen up.

So many of you young professionals get so hyped up when you come close to scoring that dream job that it’s honestly, kind of depressing to watch sometimes. I’m sorry to break it to you, young grasshopper, but unless you have at least 5+ years of experience in your field, you are a mere pawn in this game of chess. You may get lucky and just score that dream job but lets be real here, the chances of something like that happening is slim to none. So before that head of yours gets any bigger, you need to hear this: You are not the crème de la crème. You are not the pièce de résistance. You, my little grasshopper, are nothing. I get it, that young undergraduate mind of yours is going through a state of ambivalence between telling yourself what you think you’re worth to what you’re actually worth.

This is my advice- You will get turned down. Your résumé will get thrown out. You will not get a response. You will get treated like a child. You will spend hours applying with no luck. You will hate everyone that’s happy at their job. You will feel like a failure. You will feel lost. You will hate LinkedIn. You will hate every company that sends you an email that begins with ‘After careful consideration, we have decided to not…‘ (LOL, I’m sorry, but seriously, I know all of you young and old professionals out there know that line much too well). With all of your being, you will feel like giving up. Don’t.

The key to success: If you know you’re whole-heartedly trying your best, success will come. 

The perfect opportunity will one day present itself, it’s up to you to know when to jump for it. I know this is a broad statement, especially in regards to job hunting, but if you embrace it, you’ll soon understand its simple meaning. Failure is inevitable but believe it or not, it’s something we all experience. Even the most successful individuals have failed at some point in their lives. It’s up to us to have the ability to learn from our failures and hardships.

‘I haven’t failed. I graduated at the top of my class. Still, no one wants to hire me. Am I overqualified? Do they just have something against me? Are they just pretending to hire to see who and what is out there?’

First of all, stop being naive. You graduated. Yay. Good job. Do you want a gold star for that? For being at the top of only your class. You didn’t graduate on top of the world. Get over yourself.

Put yourself out there. Work an entry-level job. Distribute mail. Go on an endless amount of coffee runs. Hit rock bottom. The moment you hit rock bottom, is the moment you truly learn to appreciate hard work. You need to realize that you are never too good, too big, or too smart to lose. It will happen and you will learn from it. Whatever industry you work in, whatever shitface boss you have to deal with you- take everything with a grain of salt. As shitty as you may feel in the moment, you will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Try like fucking hell and never give up. Yes, you might be a little under-qualified right now but hey, the more interviews you on, the more you learn. Shit, sooner or later, you’ll be able to fake it until you make it.

Lately, I’ve seen too many college graduates come out of college acting like they fucking deserve that dream job that other professionals have worked their entire lives for. Shut up, sit down, and be patient. I know this post is kind of harsh but trust me, everything I’m saying right now is in your best interest. 

Because honestly, there are no secrets to success. It is the result of persistence, preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. Hard work is success perfected.

So, go on with your broke self, young grasshopper. You do you. Just don’t give up and remember this, the sale aisle will never judge you and you aren’t as qualified as you think. Ramen on, my friend.

By the way, in addition to being perfect on paper- Always, and I mean ALWAYS, practice your voicemail voice. I cannot stress how important it is to be able to leave a well-thought-out and well-spoken voicemail. Why? Because I’ve deleted about 10 voicemails today alone because the individual didn’t have one fucking clue how to repeat their callback number. A voicemail should be coherent and to the point. Don’t make it lengthy but don’t talklikeurinatotalhurry. Stay calm and if you can, choose to hear the playback. A rule of thumb: Before calling any professional, prepare what you’ll say in the event it goes to voicemail. You will thank me for this later. 

Blair Bee

How I Figured Out I Was Unhappy With My Job.

It wasn’t because my boss was a complete jackass.

It wasn’t because I stopped taking the initiative.

It wasn’t because I stopped asking questions.

It wasn’t my lack of passion.

It wasn’t because I gained 10 lbs due to work-related stress. (Actually, this is questionable)

It wasn’t because my work-life balance was basically a teeter-totter on crack.

It wasn’t because I felt like my skills weren’t being utilized to their full potential.

It was because my snooze button was my best friend. 

I ‘woke’ up every single morning with my finger on my iPhone snooze button. Not only did my brain program itself to automatically snooze, but it came to the point where I didn’t even have to open my eyes or fully awaken from my slumber. It wasn’t that I was suffering from lack of sleep (I’m one to always get my full 8 hours) but it was rather I felt happier in my dream world than my real world. And that, my friends, is problematic. Yes, dreams can be awesome and adventurous, but your life can be just that too. After many jobs and many snoozes later, I realized that a tell-tale sign to Get The Fuck Up And Look For A New Job is the amount of times I hit my snooze button. We all do it, but to what extent? How long are you willing to suffer that annoying, gut-wrenching alarm before you finally get up and begin to take the initiative? Because come on, that son of a bitch sound (yes, I’m talking to you ‘Alarm’ on iOS) can sure be a little jackass, am I right? I’m sure there’s a handful of you who have no idea what I’m talking about but I’m also sure there’s a handful of you out there that know exactly what I’m talking about. So, back to my point, are you still trying to figure out if you’re happy or unhappy at work? Here is what I do: I ask myself this- How many times am I willing to snooze before I actually get up? 1-3? I think I may be in the clear. 4+? I think it’s time I brush up that LinkedIn of mine…free premium upgrade? SCORE!

Blair Bee

(Just FYI, those “It wasn’t’s” up there can also be tell-tale signs to stop being a lazy fuck and start taking control of your professional life)