thoughts

Lawyered.

This post is more of an outreach to you readers out there or maybe just a personal narrative to myself. Who knows. Who cares. What threshold does one need to pass before you officially label yourself out of that gray area between monogamy and chastity? What scenario needs to happen before you can actually consider yourself ‘dating’ someone exclusively? Or does such thing even exist? Or am I just talking that crazy talk right now?

Just a little about myself & my ‘love life’: I haven’t exclusively dated anyone in two years. And yes, I didn’t have sex for a long time. How? I don’t even know. You can be damn sure my lady love was unhappy with the situation but I digress. I’m a busy as fuck. I work a lot but not because I’m required to but because I enjoy it. When I’m working, I’m fully concentrated on my task. When I’m not working, I’m mere moments away from taking my phone or laptop out to write an email or note something that I thought about while thinking about work. So, there you have it, I work a lot, I’m glad we’ve established that. I don’t just like my space, I require it. It comes with the package, buddy. If we’re going to survive this son-of-a-bitch whirlwind romance, I.need.my.space.

It wasn’t until recent that I took it upon myself to begin experimenting with more nontraditional dating outlets like eHarmony, Match, and OkCupid. Before I even begin to fathom the experiences I’ve had, let me just say one thing. Bitches be crazy.

Which leads me to this moment. I’ve met someone that is almost a mirror image of myself- a lawyer with a just as busy, if not more, schedule. We’ve established that space is a requirement without having to say a word to each other, it’s a given. We don’t speak during the week, aside from the occasional ‘I hope your week is going well’ or ‘Have a safe flight to…’ and I’m completely and utterly smitten by it all. We’ve been casually dating these past few weeks and they have been the epitome of normal. Dinner. Drinks. Laughing. Conversation. Sex. Morning Coffee. & then we both go our separate ways. 

But now I see myself here, in his room, on his desktop, working, and he’s outside working on his motorcycle. I’m completely torn between what the fuck just happened? and why am I enjoying this? I went over last night. We watched a movie. We talked. We laughed. We went to bed (and if I may add, in normal people pajamas). We cuddled minimally. We woke up. We got coffee. He invited me to stay. I stayed. Now I’m here. Does this constitute as being in a relationship? I work in an industry where I’m constantly analyzing situations which at times makes me over-analytical to the point where I am [almost] at fault. I weigh out my pros and cons and the moment I see more cons than pros, I’m out there before you can even blink twice. But for some crazy, out of this world reason, I see more pros than anything else at this point.

[flash forward 2 hours]

I’m still here and I’ve gone into deep conversation with his sister-in-law. By the way, he lives with his brother and sister-in-law to help them out with expenses because his brother (police officer) underwent brain surgery but has since fully recovered.

We (myself and his sister-in-law) talked linens, house additions, she offered to teach me the art of crocheting, she gave me the 411 on their crazy neighbors. We ate Thai. All the while he is working on his motorcycle and her husband is cleaning the pool outside. WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Maybe I’m just overanalyzing when I should just be taking everything in as it comes. Am I freaking out because I’ve been out of the game for so long? I’m in foreign territory. Maybe I’m feeling this way because he’s 12 years older than me or because when we say our goodbyes, we don’t even kiss or because this is all happening and I’m still extremely happy and enjoying every moment.

Should I run? Should I stay? Should I just stop thinking and let this bitch we call life naturally happen?

Let the comments and messages ensue.
Remember you can always contact me via iamathinking@gmail.com

I welcome all emails and comments. Even if you just feel like bitching about something I said. Bitch on, bitches. 

Blair Bee

How I Figured Out I Was Unhappy With My Job.

It wasn’t because my boss was a complete jackass.

It wasn’t because I stopped taking the initiative.

It wasn’t because I stopped asking questions.

It wasn’t my lack of passion.

It wasn’t because I gained 10 lbs due to work-related stress. (Actually, this is questionable)

It wasn’t because my work-life balance was basically a teeter-totter on crack.

It wasn’t because I felt like my skills weren’t being utilized to their full potential.

It was because my snooze button was my best friend. 

I ‘woke’ up every single morning with my finger on my iPhone snooze button. Not only did my brain program itself to automatically snooze, but it came to the point where I didn’t even have to open my eyes or fully awaken from my slumber. It wasn’t that I was suffering from lack of sleep (I’m one to always get my full 8 hours) but it was rather I felt happier in my dream world than my real world. And that, my friends, is problematic. Yes, dreams can be awesome and adventurous, but your life can be just that too. After many jobs and many snoozes later, I realized that a tell-tale sign to Get The Fuck Up And Look For A New Job is the amount of times I hit my snooze button. We all do it, but to what extent? How long are you willing to suffer that annoying, gut-wrenching alarm before you finally get up and begin to take the initiative? Because come on, that son of a bitch sound (yes, I’m talking to you ‘Alarm’ on iOS) can sure be a little jackass, am I right? I’m sure there’s a handful of you who have no idea what I’m talking about but I’m also sure there’s a handful of you out there that know exactly what I’m talking about. So, back to my point, are you still trying to figure out if you’re happy or unhappy at work? Here is what I do: I ask myself this- How many times am I willing to snooze before I actually get up? 1-3? I think I may be in the clear. 4+? I think it’s time I brush up that LinkedIn of mine…free premium upgrade? SCORE!

Blair Bee

(Just FYI, those “It wasn’t’s” up there can also be tell-tale signs to stop being a lazy fuck and start taking control of your professional life)

I, Blair Bee, take you, Anonymous,…

… to be my husband but on one condition: Promise To Always Be My Boyfriend.

A lot of people who know me on a more personal level have labeled me as the woman who will always be afraid of marriage. But in all honesty, I’m not afraid to get married. I’m afraid of my marriage turning into a marriage. I’m not sure if that makes much sense but hear me out.

For those of you who are single and utterly afraid of the idea of marriage, I’m sure you somewhat know where I’m coming from. I’m sure everyone reading this (myself included) is all too familiar with what we labeled as ‘The Honeymoon Stage’, but what I don’t understand is why this so-call ‘stage’ is only a phase in the relationship. In the beginning of any relationship, we have those instances where before you know it, you’re spending every waking moment with this person. But I’ve noticed that many (not all) married and soon-to-be married couples are experiencing the complete opposite. After many questions, I’ve learned that most of the married couples I’ve spoken to have most frequently admitted to these following which include my response: 

1. They don’t have time to go out anymore.
I think this is a poor ass excuse for We Should Have Never Gotten Married In The First Place. Make time. You made time in the beginning. What’s stopping you now? Whether it’s a dinner once a week or a dinner once a month. Communication is key. A well-balanced relationship starts with communication and everything else will lead its way. I get it, all of us are busy but if you decided to emotionally invest in this person for the long run, busy just isn’t going to cut it.

2. The kids play a huge factor in their ‘alone’ time.
Some of you may not agree with what I have to say next but tough. I completely, utterly, and without a doubt, support babysitters and daycare options. If you have the finances to hire a babysitter, even once a month, do it. They aren’t going anywhere for 18 years, they will survive one night a month without you or should I say, you’ll survive one night a month without them.

3. We aren’t as emotionally invested anymore because we’re both so stressed out.
Uh, newsflash: That’s why you have each other. For better or for worse. I confided in you in the beginning, why should I stop now? Because our relationship is legal? Because we both signed a marriage license? No. I want my future husband to always be my boyfriend. Be my best friend. Be the man I fell in love with. Our relationship shouldn’t change for the worse because it’s legal. It should change for the better because I vow to always be your girlfriend, wife, best friend, lover. Talk to each other. Again, this is where communication is key comes into play. 

4. Money
Go for a walk. Go to the park. Go get a hotdog. I’m use to starting a relationship with someone with nothing but each other. We walked, we talked, we hung out. You don’t need money to have a healthy relationship. This point can be arguable in the sense that not all of us come from the same background. A few of us are born into a more extravagant lifestyle which is completely understandable. But I feel like if you are emotionally invested in someone, you aren’t with invested in their bank statement, you are with invested in the genuine fact that you enjoy being around them whether $$$ is there or not. 

5. I can’t forget about when he/she did…[insert mundane argument here].
You two need to move on. Never argue historically. Holding a grudge against your spouse for something that happened in the past solves nothing and will only make matters worse. The past is the past. Until death do us part. Does that mean you’re going to hold that ‘one time you blah blah blah’ to your death beds? I didn’t think so. Learn forgiveness. It’ll make you a better person in your marriage and in your overall life.

So, I guess the ending to this whole post is…

To My Future Husband,

Promise to always see me as your girlfriend and not just your wife. Promise me our dating life won’t go to shambles because we both said, “I do.” Go have fun with the boys. Drink beer. Make a fool out of yourself but remember to always treat me like you treated me when we first met. Remember to always pursue me like you did since day one. Promise to always have a sense of wonder because I can guarantee you that I will never stop trying to learn about you. I can’t promise you I won’t change but I promise if I do, it’ll be for the better. Keep me in mind and I’ll keep you in mind. Love me whole-heartedly and love me like I’ll be gone tomorrow. I’m not asking you to constantly buy me flowers or text me everyday, I’m asking you to be on the constant pursuit of the key to my heart (even when you know you already have it).

Forever Your Girlfriend,

Blair Bee

Image

 

Damn Your Dog.

I woke up this morning tired, annoyed, and impatient. Let me give you the rundown of my living situation:

Roommates: 4 (2 actual roommates and 2 adopted roommates because the both of them have significant others who practically live there)

Bathroom: 1

Pets: One of my roommates has an English Bulldog and a Cat.

Fucked up, right? Yeah, tell me about it. Instead of just ranting about why I’m so fucking irritated, I’m going to give all you first time roommates a few pointers. Listen carefully. 

Cleanliness: …is fucking key. Especially when you share a small space with multiple people. I don’t give a shit if you grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth or with absolutely nothing. When you share a space with multiple people, learn to clean up after yourself. Whether its washing your dishes after you use them, wiping down the table after you eat, or just taking out the fucking trash when you see that it’s full- everyone plays a part in a tidy household. I don’t give a crap whether your room looks like a bomb went off, communal areas are key. If you use my stuff, clean it. If I use your stuff, I’ll clean it.

Significant Others: I can’t stress this enough guys. If you have a significant other that happens to stay over a lot- Tell Them To Not Fuck With My Routine. I know you know my morning schedule. If you know I wake up at 8am to use the bathroom, tell them to get up at 7:30am to use the bathroom. This especially goes for weekdays. Shit, they shouldn’t even stay over on weekdays but I’m not even going to go there. Be courteous of your roommates schedules. All of us are working professionals, lets act professional here.

Pets: CLEAN UP HIS/HERS SHIT. Walking to the backyard and accidentally stepping on a pile of shit is not how I want to spend my Saturday morning. If you happen to walk into the house and smell some funky odor, it probably means it’s time to take them to the groomers. This is to all cat owners: Clean The Litter Every Single Fucking Day. This is such a vital step to keeping an odor-free home. Your cat(s) will definitely appreciate it, too. Think about it. Would you like having to go the restroom in a box of sand with yesterdays shit in it? I didn’t think so. It’s such a menial task that so many people overlook. It literally takes 5 minutes- grab the scooper, scoop out whatever feces are inside, throw it out, go on with your day. Like nothing even happened. If you happen to have an energetic pet, you should probably hire a walker if you work a 9-5. Being loud as fuck at 11pm on a Monday night because your pet is spracked out of its fucking mind is not cool. Not Cool At All. 

Bathroom: This probably fits under Cleanliness but fuck it, it deserves its own rant. Men: If you shave, clean that shit up. Men think women are so gross but in all honestly, you men are filthy animals. Yes, our hair may get stuck in the shower drain at times but at least our hair drains somewhere. Little tiny stubs of hair follicles that look like mini pubes all over the sink is fucking disgusting. A bathroom is a sanctuary. A place of zen and peace. Not grimy corners filled with small stubs of hair and shaving cream residue with random streaks of yellow on the sink. How the fuck does that even happen? Actually, never mind, don’t answer that. All of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Clean up your pubes. Thanks. Ladies: Yes, we are just as guilty. When you blow dry, wipe the floor down because hair will without a doubt be on the floor. When you spray whatever the hell you like to spray on yourself, make sure you wipe down everything down because I can bet my left tit that you sprayed it on at least 50% of the surface areas in there. Set up a ‘clean the shower drain’ schedule for yourself. It honestly isn’t that bad if you stay consistent. If not, you end up pulling out a baby chewbacca every time and trust me, that baby is not pretty. If you know your sharing a bathroom with multiple individuals, keep your personals somewhere discreet. I know, I know, it’s mother nature but that does not mean tampons and pads should be lying around everywhere. It’s far from sexy and come on, it’s a crazy time for us- you don’t want to give anyone another reason to think about us during that piece of shit 9th circle of hell time of the month. We’re already going through enough. Leaving out our personals will only reminds us that it’s coming and it’s coming with vengeance.

Don’t Be Passive-Aggressive: Don’t leave post-it notes. Don’t ignore the issue. Don’t be rude about it. If you have a concern or an issue, let everyone know. Being passive-aggressive is going to get you nowhere and that goes with all aspects of life but I digress. If something is bothering you, be straight up and forward about it. Speak your mind. Don’t be annoying and just say what you feel. The worst that can happen is you move out and if that does happen, it may be for the better. But be smart about what you say. Don’t say anything out of frustration- you need to mentally prepare yourself and your argument. It should be a valid one and if you have to question whether or not it’s a valid argument, ask for an opinion. Go ahead and ask me. I welcome all questions. My point is, pick your arguments wisely. Having roommates is like having a relationship minus the sex…sometimes. But that’s for another post.

Ah, I’m feeling much better. Aside from being 11 days out from moving, I’m still sad about leaving. We all have our moments, especially when living with other people. You learn to be patient (at times) and you learn a lot about yourself like whether or not you are ready to live with a significant other. This is off topic but I seriously take my hat off to every single one of you couples out there that aren’t married and living together. Kudos, my friends, kudos.

Obviously, I’m not ready.