life

Listen up, Young Grasshopper.

On the hunt for that dream job? Spent hours drafting the perfect cover letter? Emailed that ridiculous, grammatically perfect cover letter to anyone and everyone that may just look twice at it? Ready to give that phone interview a whirl? Well, before you go any further, listen up.

So many of you young professionals get so hyped up when you come close to scoring that dream job that it’s honestly, kind of depressing to watch sometimes. I’m sorry to break it to you, young grasshopper, but unless you have at least 5+ years of experience in your field, you are a mere pawn in this game of chess. You may get lucky and just score that dream job but lets be real here, the chances of something like that happening is slim to none. So before that head of yours gets any bigger, you need to hear this: You are not the crème de la crème. You are not the pièce de résistance. You, my little grasshopper, are nothing. I get it, that young undergraduate mind of yours is going through a state of ambivalence between telling yourself what you think you’re worth to what you’re actually worth.

This is my advice- You will get turned down. Your résumé will get thrown out. You will not get a response. You will get treated like a child. You will spend hours applying with no luck. You will hate everyone that’s happy at their job. You will feel like a failure. You will feel lost. You will hate LinkedIn. You will hate every company that sends you an email that begins with ‘After careful consideration, we have decided to not…‘ (LOL, I’m sorry, but seriously, I know all of you young and old professionals out there know that line much too well). With all of your being, you will feel like giving up. Don’t.

The key to success: If you know you’re whole-heartedly trying your best, success will come. 

The perfect opportunity will one day present itself, it’s up to you to know when to jump for it. I know this is a broad statement, especially in regards to job hunting, but if you embrace it, you’ll soon understand its simple meaning. Failure is inevitable but believe it or not, it’s something we all experience. Even the most successful individuals have failed at some point in their lives. It’s up to us to have the ability to learn from our failures and hardships.

‘I haven’t failed. I graduated at the top of my class. Still, no one wants to hire me. Am I overqualified? Do they just have something against me? Are they just pretending to hire to see who and what is out there?’

First of all, stop being naive. You graduated. Yay. Good job. Do you want a gold star for that? For being at the top of only your class. You didn’t graduate on top of the world. Get over yourself.

Put yourself out there. Work an entry-level job. Distribute mail. Go on an endless amount of coffee runs. Hit rock bottom. The moment you hit rock bottom, is the moment you truly learn to appreciate hard work. You need to realize that you are never too good, too big, or too smart to lose. It will happen and you will learn from it. Whatever industry you work in, whatever shitface boss you have to deal with you- take everything with a grain of salt. As shitty as you may feel in the moment, you will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Try like fucking hell and never give up. Yes, you might be a little under-qualified right now but hey, the more interviews you on, the more you learn. Shit, sooner or later, you’ll be able to fake it until you make it.

Lately, I’ve seen too many college graduates come out of college acting like they fucking deserve that dream job that other professionals have worked their entire lives for. Shut up, sit down, and be patient. I know this post is kind of harsh but trust me, everything I’m saying right now is in your best interest. 

Because honestly, there are no secrets to success. It is the result of persistence, preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. Hard work is success perfected.

So, go on with your broke self, young grasshopper. You do you. Just don’t give up and remember this, the sale aisle will never judge you and you aren’t as qualified as you think. Ramen on, my friend.

By the way, in addition to being perfect on paper- Always, and I mean ALWAYS, practice your voicemail voice. I cannot stress how important it is to be able to leave a well-thought-out and well-spoken voicemail. Why? Because I’ve deleted about 10 voicemails today alone because the individual didn’t have one fucking clue how to repeat their callback number. A voicemail should be coherent and to the point. Don’t make it lengthy but don’t talklikeurinatotalhurry. Stay calm and if you can, choose to hear the playback. A rule of thumb: Before calling any professional, prepare what you’ll say in the event it goes to voicemail. You will thank me for this later. 

Blair Bee

Lawyered.

This post is more of an outreach to you readers out there or maybe just a personal narrative to myself. Who knows. Who cares. What threshold does one need to pass before you officially label yourself out of that gray area between monogamy and chastity? What scenario needs to happen before you can actually consider yourself ‘dating’ someone exclusively? Or does such thing even exist? Or am I just talking that crazy talk right now?

Just a little about myself & my ‘love life’: I haven’t exclusively dated anyone in two years. And yes, I didn’t have sex for a long time. How? I don’t even know. You can be damn sure my lady love was unhappy with the situation but I digress. I’m a busy as fuck. I work a lot but not because I’m required to but because I enjoy it. When I’m working, I’m fully concentrated on my task. When I’m not working, I’m mere moments away from taking my phone or laptop out to write an email or note something that I thought about while thinking about work. So, there you have it, I work a lot, I’m glad we’ve established that. I don’t just like my space, I require it. It comes with the package, buddy. If we’re going to survive this son-of-a-bitch whirlwind romance, I.need.my.space.

It wasn’t until recent that I took it upon myself to begin experimenting with more nontraditional dating outlets like eHarmony, Match, and OkCupid. Before I even begin to fathom the experiences I’ve had, let me just say one thing. Bitches be crazy.

Which leads me to this moment. I’ve met someone that is almost a mirror image of myself- a lawyer with a just as busy, if not more, schedule. We’ve established that space is a requirement without having to say a word to each other, it’s a given. We don’t speak during the week, aside from the occasional ‘I hope your week is going well’ or ‘Have a safe flight to…’ and I’m completely and utterly smitten by it all. We’ve been casually dating these past few weeks and they have been the epitome of normal. Dinner. Drinks. Laughing. Conversation. Sex. Morning Coffee. & then we both go our separate ways. 

But now I see myself here, in his room, on his desktop, working, and he’s outside working on his motorcycle. I’m completely torn between what the fuck just happened? and why am I enjoying this? I went over last night. We watched a movie. We talked. We laughed. We went to bed (and if I may add, in normal people pajamas). We cuddled minimally. We woke up. We got coffee. He invited me to stay. I stayed. Now I’m here. Does this constitute as being in a relationship? I work in an industry where I’m constantly analyzing situations which at times makes me over-analytical to the point where I am [almost] at fault. I weigh out my pros and cons and the moment I see more cons than pros, I’m out there before you can even blink twice. But for some crazy, out of this world reason, I see more pros than anything else at this point.

[flash forward 2 hours]

I’m still here and I’ve gone into deep conversation with his sister-in-law. By the way, he lives with his brother and sister-in-law to help them out with expenses because his brother (police officer) underwent brain surgery but has since fully recovered.

We (myself and his sister-in-law) talked linens, house additions, she offered to teach me the art of crocheting, she gave me the 411 on their crazy neighbors. We ate Thai. All the while he is working on his motorcycle and her husband is cleaning the pool outside. WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Maybe I’m just overanalyzing when I should just be taking everything in as it comes. Am I freaking out because I’ve been out of the game for so long? I’m in foreign territory. Maybe I’m feeling this way because he’s 12 years older than me or because when we say our goodbyes, we don’t even kiss or because this is all happening and I’m still extremely happy and enjoying every moment.

Should I run? Should I stay? Should I just stop thinking and let this bitch we call life naturally happen?

Let the comments and messages ensue.
Remember you can always contact me via iamathinking@gmail.com

I welcome all emails and comments. Even if you just feel like bitching about something I said. Bitch on, bitches. 

Blair Bee

I, Blair Bee, take you, Anonymous,…

… to be my husband but on one condition: Promise To Always Be My Boyfriend.

A lot of people who know me on a more personal level have labeled me as the woman who will always be afraid of marriage. But in all honesty, I’m not afraid to get married. I’m afraid of my marriage turning into a marriage. I’m not sure if that makes much sense but hear me out.

For those of you who are single and utterly afraid of the idea of marriage, I’m sure you somewhat know where I’m coming from. I’m sure everyone reading this (myself included) is all too familiar with what we labeled as ‘The Honeymoon Stage’, but what I don’t understand is why this so-call ‘stage’ is only a phase in the relationship. In the beginning of any relationship, we have those instances where before you know it, you’re spending every waking moment with this person. But I’ve noticed that many (not all) married and soon-to-be married couples are experiencing the complete opposite. After many questions, I’ve learned that most of the married couples I’ve spoken to have most frequently admitted to these following which include my response: 

1. They don’t have time to go out anymore.
I think this is a poor ass excuse for We Should Have Never Gotten Married In The First Place. Make time. You made time in the beginning. What’s stopping you now? Whether it’s a dinner once a week or a dinner once a month. Communication is key. A well-balanced relationship starts with communication and everything else will lead its way. I get it, all of us are busy but if you decided to emotionally invest in this person for the long run, busy just isn’t going to cut it.

2. The kids play a huge factor in their ‘alone’ time.
Some of you may not agree with what I have to say next but tough. I completely, utterly, and without a doubt, support babysitters and daycare options. If you have the finances to hire a babysitter, even once a month, do it. They aren’t going anywhere for 18 years, they will survive one night a month without you or should I say, you’ll survive one night a month without them.

3. We aren’t as emotionally invested anymore because we’re both so stressed out.
Uh, newsflash: That’s why you have each other. For better or for worse. I confided in you in the beginning, why should I stop now? Because our relationship is legal? Because we both signed a marriage license? No. I want my future husband to always be my boyfriend. Be my best friend. Be the man I fell in love with. Our relationship shouldn’t change for the worse because it’s legal. It should change for the better because I vow to always be your girlfriend, wife, best friend, lover. Talk to each other. Again, this is where communication is key comes into play. 

4. Money
Go for a walk. Go to the park. Go get a hotdog. I’m use to starting a relationship with someone with nothing but each other. We walked, we talked, we hung out. You don’t need money to have a healthy relationship. This point can be arguable in the sense that not all of us come from the same background. A few of us are born into a more extravagant lifestyle which is completely understandable. But I feel like if you are emotionally invested in someone, you aren’t with invested in their bank statement, you are with invested in the genuine fact that you enjoy being around them whether $$$ is there or not. 

5. I can’t forget about when he/she did…[insert mundane argument here].
You two need to move on. Never argue historically. Holding a grudge against your spouse for something that happened in the past solves nothing and will only make matters worse. The past is the past. Until death do us part. Does that mean you’re going to hold that ‘one time you blah blah blah’ to your death beds? I didn’t think so. Learn forgiveness. It’ll make you a better person in your marriage and in your overall life.

So, I guess the ending to this whole post is…

To My Future Husband,

Promise to always see me as your girlfriend and not just your wife. Promise me our dating life won’t go to shambles because we both said, “I do.” Go have fun with the boys. Drink beer. Make a fool out of yourself but remember to always treat me like you treated me when we first met. Remember to always pursue me like you did since day one. Promise to always have a sense of wonder because I can guarantee you that I will never stop trying to learn about you. I can’t promise you I won’t change but I promise if I do, it’ll be for the better. Keep me in mind and I’ll keep you in mind. Love me whole-heartedly and love me like I’ll be gone tomorrow. I’m not asking you to constantly buy me flowers or text me everyday, I’m asking you to be on the constant pursuit of the key to my heart (even when you know you already have it).

Forever Your Girlfriend,

Blair Bee

Image