Month: March 2014

UT-I Just Wanna Die.

Can someone just shoot me now and take me out of my misery? I think one of the worst parts about being a woman is the day you experience your first UTI (urinary tract infection). I honestly don’t think know how women who have chronic UTI’s manage daily life. I take my hat of to you ladies, seriously. You deserve a fucking medal and more. Men, if you think a period is bad, You. Have. No. Idea. A woman suffering from a UTI is vulnerable, irritable, uncomfortable, in pain, and just in general your worst nightmare. But you know what? You can’t blame us. Most of us get it from having your meat slammed into us. Long sigh. It really is just depressing. OH, you want to enjoy that maybe…15 minutes tops of pleasure? FINE, here you go, but be prepared for potentially infecting yourself with a UTI. Long, Long sigh…

For those of you out there who know what I’m talking about, there is no need for me to say anymore. For those of you out there that have no clue what I’m talking about, let me break it down for you.

1. You start off by having this weird feeling in your abdomen- it’s almost as if the muscles are tightening up. Since I’m a UTI veteran, this is the first tell-tale sign of a UTI setting in. Usually I’m already gulping down a ridiculous amount of water but sometimes, just sometimes, your body likes to just say FUCK YOU and let the UTI do its business. 

2. If the water doesn’t help, this is usually when you start experiencing the really shitty symptoms of a UTI. The constant urge to pee every 2 minutes and every single time you do tinkle, you squirt out maybe a drop of urine while experiencing this wretched pain in your lady love and lower abdomen. Honestly, I sit on the toilet for hours on end cursing obscenities on everything and everyone around me. This usually last a couple of hours, so, it’s safe to say that I’m not going out or having any human interactions with anyone. Fuck. That. Shit. Get. Out. Of. My. Face. NOW. 

3. Aside from the constant urge to pee and recurring sharp pain, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, down there is sensitive. It’s almost as if your lady love was just scraped raw of the first layer of flesh and let out to just rot. I might be over-exaggerating right there but I don’t give a shit. I’m sitting at my desk right now, with my pants rubbing my area raw, while I have the urge to pee, and the feeling of a knife being shoved into my abdomen- so, WHATEVER. 

4. Good Lord, what is that god forsaken smell? Yup, your shit smells and it smells BAD. I don’t even know how to describe the odor other than it’s weird and embarrassing. I mean, no one is even in the bathroom with me when I do smell that odor and I still get embarrassed. It truly is just sad. Other than the constant pain and suffering, a UTI tops if off by also smelling like something just died in your vagina. Not cute. Not cute at all. 

Basically, you experience #2, #3, and #4 throughout the entire ordeal until your body finally flushes out all the bacteria from your urethra and you are finally given a break. It is certainly a vicious cycle that I will never wish upon anyone. Okay, enough with the symptoms and negatives of a UTI. It’s time to move on to the more important stuff like remedies and medication.

Obviously, going to the doctors every single time you suffer from a UTI is a little absurd. First of all, ain’t nobody got time for that shit. Second, not all of us have health insurance. Third, UTI’s creep up during the most random times so just taking off work to go to the doctors is almost always out of the questions. Here are some tips I have about treating and helping with the discomfort.

 

1. Cranberry and h2o is your best friend. Drink water and h2o until you feel like bursting. You think I’m kidding but I’m not. Not only will it help flush the bacteria and toxins out of your system but it’ll help with urinating. I hate it when I sit down on the toilet and only a tiny dribble comes out. The more cranberry and h2o I drink, the easier it is for me to cope with the constant urinating and pain. Usually when it’s really bad, I mix cranberry juice, orange juice, and water into a giant jug. My ultimate concoction for UTI relief. Don’t use cranberry cocktail or OJ from concentrate. Get the all natural stuff that’s 100% juice. I know, I know, we all aren’t made out of money but for your sake, just do it. I promise it’ll make a world of difference in getting over your UTI.

2. Don’t hold your piss. When you need to go, go. I don’t care if only a drop comes out or you’re sitting on the toilet for hours- GO. Holding your urine will only worsen your UTI and that will ultimately prolong everything. You don’t want that. You really, really don’t want that. 

3. Fetal position and heat pad. Thank you baby jesus for the creation of a heating pad. Whenever those sharp pains start getting unbearable, I turn that bad boy on and it does such a good job soothing the painful ache that I actually manage to fall asleep. I’ve noticed that positioning myself in a fetal position helps. That might just be me though so I apologize in advance if it doesn’t do shit for you. 

4. AZO. If you don’t know what it is, Google it. It’s an over-the-counter medication you can purchase for UTI relief. It does a world of difference if it works for you. I’ve had a few occasions where it didn’t make a difference but whatever, I’ll do whatever it takes. If it works, FUCKING GREAT. If not, oh well…at least I tried. 

5. Cotton is your friend. Cotton is your lover. Just have sex with Cotton already. Seriously, though. Wear cotton panties and loose pants. Give your lady love some breathing space and just let her relax, she at least deserves that. Not only is she experiencing the worst thing ever but the last thing she needs is to be stuffed into pantyhose with a tight mini skirt wrapped around her. Let her do her. She’s your precious gem, treat her like it. 

PREVENTING A UTI.

1. Pee after sexy time. I don’t care if you feel self conscious about your S/O hearing. He just saw you bounce around all up on him at angles you yourself have never seen yourself in, so, go ahead and pee, he ain’t gonna judge. It helps flush out all the bacteria that was jammed up into your urethra during sexy fun time too. 

2. Drink cranberry juice or take cranberry pills. I don’t care if it hasn’t been medically proven. This shit works. 

3. Don’t be lazy. Wipe from front to back. I really shouldn’t have to say this but then again, I do. Make sure you’re constantly up-keeping your area. It’s your treasure chest, ladies. Good toilet hygiene is sexy, seriously. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Keep your vagina clean. Btw, wet wipes are fucking amazing. Just saying. 

4. Be aware of the symptoms. Like I said, the moment you start feeling that weird tightness- bitch, grab that water bottle and start chugging. Pretend it’s college and you’re trying to impress that frat guy by doing a keg stand. Chug Chug Chug. Oh, and lay off the dirty dirty. The last thing you want to do when you start experiencing those first signs of a UTI is having your man or whatever shove up more bacteria into your urethra. Just relax for a night, it ain’t going to kill you. If you really need to have that sexy fun time, then do it. But don’t say no one warned you and don’t start bitching when everything below the waist starts to hurt.

 

So, there you go- my explanation and remedies for a Urinary Tract Infection.

I’m going to go pee now, bye.

Blair Bee.

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The Importance of Networking.

I just want to take this moment to apologize for my brief absence. As you may have read in my earlier post, I was in the process of moving. Well, fortunately, I am all finished and moved in. Hello, Century City, I hope you bitches are ready for me. Not really, I’m a mere speck in this giant city. On a good note, I found a hidden gem down the street from my new apartment and that gem is a 24-hour Pho Restaurant. Can I get a ‘HALLELUJAH’?! I can already see it. It’s 3am in the morning. I’m drunk. I’m starving. Pho to the rescue. Most of you know exactly what I’m talking about. A few of you all too well. It really is amazing what this city has to offer. I’ve been here all my life and I learn something new almost everyday. I really mean it when I say I Love LA. Anyway, I digress.

I guess for this post, I really wanted to focus on implementing and understanding the importance of networking. There’s two spectrums to this: one being you’re completely satisfied with where you are professionally and the other being you fucking hate your job and need out. Networking is a key ingredient in exposing yourself whether or not you are on the search for a new job. I mean, do I really need to explain in detail? The more people you meet, the more outreach you get. You have to think about the ROI of it all. I know, this must all sound like gibberish to you right now but it truly is a simple concept. The more you allow yourself to ‘network’, the better chances of having a positive return in investment, or in this case, a better opportunity. If you happen to be happy with where you are on a professional level, then BOOM, a better chance of landing a new client. I can’t stress how important it is to be able to hold yourself gracefully in public. Yes, I curse. I burp. Sometimes I even chew with my mouth open. But you sure as hell won’t catch me doing any of those things when I’m in a professional environment. You can’t expect things to just happen or the perfect job to just come along and tap you on the ass. You have to try before shit like that ever happens.

Recently, I’ve taken it upon myself to one up my LinkedIn profile and I honestly would have never imagined the positive outcome it’s given me. I’ve been searching for a new firm and cannot even begin to fathom the great feedback I’ve been receiving. It isn’t a lot but it’s something. You have to start somewhere, right? Not only is it a great way to keep in touch with colleagues but it’s also a great way to get a company you’re interested in to notice you. It allows you to really show off what you’ve achieved and what you know. This is where showing off is encouraged. Were you on the honor society? Put that shit on there. Did you volunteer at the animal shelter? Put that shit on there. Were you an eagle scout? Put that shit on there. Did you graduate summa cum laude? Put. That. Shit. On. There. So, my point is: Update your LinkedIn, it’ll do a world of difference in your professional life. A lot of companies now have so many resources that you can’t possibly hide everything. Be aware of what you put out in the public eye. In my opinion, your LinkedIn profile should be one of the top three sites that pop-up when you type your name into a search engine aside from your Google+ and Facebook (Questionable but fuck it, who doesn’t have a FB nowadays? Remember, privacy setting is your best friend. Learn its ways. Embrace it. Use it.) I highly recommend hiding anything that may present you negatively, unless your blog or social profile is what may score you that media job. I get it, different fields, different requirements. Just be smart about it. Delete or change the privacy of that video on youtube of you farting into a lighter. I don’t care what justifications you have, they will not hire you because you can breathe fire out of your ass. Ask yourself this: Would you hire you? If you were a recruiting agent for a Fortune 500 company and you stumbled upon your profile, would you reach out? If not, then you, my friend, have some work to do.

Another great way to network is to attend any publicity event you can get into. No, I don’t mean go hit up that hot new club. What I mean is, put yourself out there and introduce yourself to people whenever you can. I shouldn’t have to go into detail about this- you should know what I mean if you have any ounce of care about your professional career. If one of your buddies invites you to that ‘work event‘, GO! I’m always carrying around business cards with me wherever I go and it’s done me very well these past couple of years. I believe that the first 15 seconds in any first encounter, whether online or in person, is the most vital time for any professional to market and sell themselves. You want to leave a positive lasting impression on this individual. Don’t ramble on with some sale pitch. Get to know this person. Find a way to connect with them on a more personal level and I promise they will instantly feel comfortable with you. The moment you break that barrier between creepy new acquaintance and someone their actually comfortable with, it’s smooth sailings from then on out. Whatever you do, do not force the situation– there is a time and place for everything. Choose those times and places wisely. You don’t want to go on and on about how awesome you are to someone and ultimately leave them with a nasty taste in their mouths about you. That, is not networking. That, buddy, is being a prick. You want to avoid that. By the way, word travels fast, very fast. You’d be surprised at just how much gossip goes on behind closed doors. People be bitches, yo. Speak intelligently and respectfully.

Also, I’ve learned that if you’re in the beginning stages of job searching, interview as much as you can. Break in your interview nerves and prepare yourself because if you happen to be anything like me, you’ll botch your first few interviews. Oh, the horror stories! Sweaty palms. Nervous tick. Bouncing leg. One time, I accidentally flirted with the CEO of a large firm and his wife was in the office. I had no clue what was coming out of my mouth. I think I might have blacked out or something. I didn’t get the job.

Btw, just a rule of thumb: Do not drink caffeine before an interview. You should always have a cup of coffee a few hours prior to any important meeting or interview. You don’t want to be all hyped up and jittery the entire time, especially if in front of someone you’re trying to impress.

Remember that everything I’ve said isn’t a solution to all your problems. It’s simply steps you can take that may just help you towards scoring that dream job. But I’m not making any promises here. If you’ve been doing all of this and more, just keep in mind this: One day, the opportunity will present itself- it’s up to you to recognize it and go for it. Be able to recognize potential in all situations and don’t be afraid to jump on that shit like a lioness preying on a gazelle.

I hope this shed some light on a few of you readers. If you happen to have a question about interviewing or anything related to job searching, go ahead and email them to me. I welcome all questions and feedback.

I hope all of you are doing well.

Blair Bee