… to be my husband but on one condition: Promise To Always Be My Boyfriend.
A lot of people who know me on a more personal level have labeled me as the woman who will always be afraid of marriage. But in all honesty, I’m not afraid to get married. I’m afraid of my marriage turning into a marriage. I’m not sure if that makes much sense but hear me out.
For those of you who are single and utterly afraid of the idea of marriage, I’m sure you somewhat know where I’m coming from. I’m sure everyone reading this (myself included) is all too familiar with what we labeled as ‘The Honeymoon Stage’, but what I don’t understand is why this so-call ‘stage’ is only a phase in the relationship. In the beginning of any relationship, we have those instances where before you know it, you’re spending every waking moment with this person. But I’ve noticed that many (not all) married and soon-to-be married couples are experiencing the complete opposite. After many questions, I’ve learned that most of the married couples I’ve spoken to have most frequently admitted to these following which include my response:
1. They don’t have time to go out anymore.
I think this is a poor ass excuse for We Should Have Never Gotten Married In The First Place. Make time. You made time in the beginning. What’s stopping you now? Whether it’s a dinner once a week or a dinner once a month. Communication is key. A well-balanced relationship starts with communication and everything else will lead its way. I get it, all of us are busy but if you decided to emotionally invest in this person for the long run, busy just isn’t going to cut it.
2. The kids play a huge factor in their ‘alone’ time.
Some of you may not agree with what I have to say next but tough. I completely, utterly, and without a doubt, support babysitters and daycare options. If you have the finances to hire a babysitter, even once a month, do it. They aren’t going anywhere for 18 years, they will survive one night a month without you or should I say, you’ll survive one night a month without them.
3. We aren’t as emotionally invested anymore because we’re both so stressed out.
Uh, newsflash: That’s why you have each other. For better or for worse. I confided in you in the beginning, why should I stop now? Because our relationship is legal? Because we both signed a marriage license? No. I want my future husband to always be my boyfriend. Be my best friend. Be the man I fell in love with. Our relationship shouldn’t change for the worse because it’s legal. It should change for the better because I vow to always be your girlfriend, wife, best friend, lover. Talk to each other. Again, this is where communication is key comes into play.
Go for a walk. Go to the park. Go get a hotdog. I’m use to starting a relationship with someone with nothing but each other. We walked, we talked, we hung out. You don’t need money to have a healthy relationship. This point can be arguable in the sense that not all of us come from the same background. A few of us are born into a more extravagant lifestyle which is completely understandable. But I feel like if you are emotionally invested in someone, you aren’t with invested in their bank statement, you are with invested in the genuine fact that you enjoy being around them whether $$$ is there or not.
5. I can’t forget about when he/she did…[insert mundane argument here].
You two need to move on. Never argue historically. Holding a grudge against your spouse for something that happened in the past solves nothing and will only make matters worse. The past is the past. Until death do us part. Does that mean you’re going to hold that ‘one time you blah blah blah’ to your death beds? I didn’t think so. Learn forgiveness. It’ll make you a better person in your marriage and in your overall life.
So, I guess the ending to this whole post is…
To My Future Husband,
Promise to always see me as your girlfriend and not just your wife. Promise me our dating life won’t go to shambles because we both said, “I do.” Go have fun with the boys. Drink beer. Make a fool out of yourself but remember to always treat me like you treated me when we first met. Remember to always pursue me like you did since day one. Promise to always have a sense of wonder because I can guarantee you that I will never stop trying to learn about you. I can’t promise you I won’t change but I promise if I do, it’ll be for the better. Keep me in mind and I’ll keep you in mind. Love me whole-heartedly and love me like I’ll be gone tomorrow. I’m not asking you to constantly buy me flowers or text me everyday, I’m asking you to be on the constant pursuit of the key to my heart (even when you know you already have it).
Forever Your Girlfriend,