Month: February 2014

Listen up, Young Grasshopper.

On the hunt for that dream job? Spent hours drafting the perfect cover letter? Emailed that ridiculous, grammatically perfect cover letter to anyone and everyone that may just look twice at it? Ready to give that phone interview a whirl? Well, before you go any further, listen up.

So many of you young professionals get so hyped up when you come close to scoring that dream job that it’s honestly, kind of depressing to watch sometimes. I’m sorry to break it to you, young grasshopper, but unless you have at least 5+ years of experience in your field, you are a mere pawn in this game of chess. You may get lucky and just score that dream job but lets be real here, the chances of something like that happening is slim to none. So before that head of yours gets any bigger, you need to hear this: You are not the crème de la crème. You are not the pièce de résistance. You, my little grasshopper, are nothing. I get it, that young undergraduate mind of yours is going through a state of ambivalence between telling yourself what you think you’re worth to what you’re actually worth.

This is my advice- You will get turned down. Your résumé will get thrown out. You will not get a response. You will get treated like a child. You will spend hours applying with no luck. You will hate everyone that’s happy at their job. You will feel like a failure. You will feel lost. You will hate LinkedIn. You will hate every company that sends you an email that begins with ‘After careful consideration, we have decided to not…‘ (LOL, I’m sorry, but seriously, I know all of you young and old professionals out there know that line much too well). With all of your being, you will feel like giving up. Don’t.

The key to success: If you know you’re whole-heartedly trying your best, success will come. 

The perfect opportunity will one day present itself, it’s up to you to know when to jump for it. I know this is a broad statement, especially in regards to job hunting, but if you embrace it, you’ll soon understand its simple meaning. Failure is inevitable but believe it or not, it’s something we all experience. Even the most successful individuals have failed at some point in their lives. It’s up to us to have the ability to learn from our failures and hardships.

‘I haven’t failed. I graduated at the top of my class. Still, no one wants to hire me. Am I overqualified? Do they just have something against me? Are they just pretending to hire to see who and what is out there?’

First of all, stop being naive. You graduated. Yay. Good job. Do you want a gold star for that? For being at the top of only your class. You didn’t graduate on top of the world. Get over yourself.

Put yourself out there. Work an entry-level job. Distribute mail. Go on an endless amount of coffee runs. Hit rock bottom. The moment you hit rock bottom, is the moment you truly learn to appreciate hard work. You need to realize that you are never too good, too big, or too smart to lose. It will happen and you will learn from it. Whatever industry you work in, whatever shitface boss you have to deal with you- take everything with a grain of salt. As shitty as you may feel in the moment, you will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Try like fucking hell and never give up. Yes, you might be a little under-qualified right now but hey, the more interviews you on, the more you learn. Shit, sooner or later, you’ll be able to fake it until you make it.

Lately, I’ve seen too many college graduates come out of college acting like they fucking deserve that dream job that other professionals have worked their entire lives for. Shut up, sit down, and be patient. I know this post is kind of harsh but trust me, everything I’m saying right now is in your best interest. 

Because honestly, there are no secrets to success. It is the result of persistence, preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. Hard work is success perfected.

So, go on with your broke self, young grasshopper. You do you. Just don’t give up and remember this, the sale aisle will never judge you and you aren’t as qualified as you think. Ramen on, my friend.

By the way, in addition to being perfect on paper- Always, and I mean ALWAYS, practice your voicemail voice. I cannot stress how important it is to be able to leave a well-thought-out and well-spoken voicemail. Why? Because I’ve deleted about 10 voicemails today alone because the individual didn’t have one fucking clue how to repeat their callback number. A voicemail should be coherent and to the point. Don’t make it lengthy but don’t talklikeurinatotalhurry. Stay calm and if you can, choose to hear the playback. A rule of thumb: Before calling any professional, prepare what you’ll say in the event it goes to voicemail. You will thank me for this later. 

Blair Bee

Lawyered.

This post is more of an outreach to you readers out there or maybe just a personal narrative to myself. Who knows. Who cares. What threshold does one need to pass before you officially label yourself out of that gray area between monogamy and chastity? What scenario needs to happen before you can actually consider yourself ‘dating’ someone exclusively? Or does such thing even exist? Or am I just talking that crazy talk right now?

Just a little about myself & my ‘love life’: I haven’t exclusively dated anyone in two years. And yes, I didn’t have sex for a long time. How? I don’t even know. You can be damn sure my lady love was unhappy with the situation but I digress. I’m a busy as fuck. I work a lot but not because I’m required to but because I enjoy it. When I’m working, I’m fully concentrated on my task. When I’m not working, I’m mere moments away from taking my phone or laptop out to write an email or note something that I thought about while thinking about work. So, there you have it, I work a lot, I’m glad we’ve established that. I don’t just like my space, I require it. It comes with the package, buddy. If we’re going to survive this son-of-a-bitch whirlwind romance, I.need.my.space.

It wasn’t until recent that I took it upon myself to begin experimenting with more nontraditional dating outlets like eHarmony, Match, and OkCupid. Before I even begin to fathom the experiences I’ve had, let me just say one thing. Bitches be crazy.

Which leads me to this moment. I’ve met someone that is almost a mirror image of myself- a lawyer with a just as busy, if not more, schedule. We’ve established that space is a requirement without having to say a word to each other, it’s a given. We don’t speak during the week, aside from the occasional ‘I hope your week is going well’ or ‘Have a safe flight to…’ and I’m completely and utterly smitten by it all. We’ve been casually dating these past few weeks and they have been the epitome of normal. Dinner. Drinks. Laughing. Conversation. Sex. Morning Coffee. & then we both go our separate ways. 

But now I see myself here, in his room, on his desktop, working, and he’s outside working on his motorcycle. I’m completely torn between what the fuck just happened? and why am I enjoying this? I went over last night. We watched a movie. We talked. We laughed. We went to bed (and if I may add, in normal people pajamas). We cuddled minimally. We woke up. We got coffee. He invited me to stay. I stayed. Now I’m here. Does this constitute as being in a relationship? I work in an industry where I’m constantly analyzing situations which at times makes me over-analytical to the point where I am [almost] at fault. I weigh out my pros and cons and the moment I see more cons than pros, I’m out there before you can even blink twice. But for some crazy, out of this world reason, I see more pros than anything else at this point.

[flash forward 2 hours]

I’m still here and I’ve gone into deep conversation with his sister-in-law. By the way, he lives with his brother and sister-in-law to help them out with expenses because his brother (police officer) underwent brain surgery but has since fully recovered.

We (myself and his sister-in-law) talked linens, house additions, she offered to teach me the art of crocheting, she gave me the 411 on their crazy neighbors. We ate Thai. All the while he is working on his motorcycle and her husband is cleaning the pool outside. WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Maybe I’m just overanalyzing when I should just be taking everything in as it comes. Am I freaking out because I’ve been out of the game for so long? I’m in foreign territory. Maybe I’m feeling this way because he’s 12 years older than me or because when we say our goodbyes, we don’t even kiss or because this is all happening and I’m still extremely happy and enjoying every moment.

Should I run? Should I stay? Should I just stop thinking and let this bitch we call life naturally happen?

Let the comments and messages ensue.
Remember you can always contact me via iamathinking@gmail.com

I welcome all emails and comments. Even if you just feel like bitching about something I said. Bitch on, bitches. 

Blair Bee

How I Figured Out I Was Unhappy With My Job.

It wasn’t because my boss was a complete jackass.

It wasn’t because I stopped taking the initiative.

It wasn’t because I stopped asking questions.

It wasn’t my lack of passion.

It wasn’t because I gained 10 lbs due to work-related stress. (Actually, this is questionable)

It wasn’t because my work-life balance was basically a teeter-totter on crack.

It wasn’t because I felt like my skills weren’t being utilized to their full potential.

It was because my snooze button was my best friend. 

I ‘woke’ up every single morning with my finger on my iPhone snooze button. Not only did my brain program itself to automatically snooze, but it came to the point where I didn’t even have to open my eyes or fully awaken from my slumber. It wasn’t that I was suffering from lack of sleep (I’m one to always get my full 8 hours) but it was rather I felt happier in my dream world than my real world. And that, my friends, is problematic. Yes, dreams can be awesome and adventurous, but your life can be just that too. After many jobs and many snoozes later, I realized that a tell-tale sign to Get The Fuck Up And Look For A New Job is the amount of times I hit my snooze button. We all do it, but to what extent? How long are you willing to suffer that annoying, gut-wrenching alarm before you finally get up and begin to take the initiative? Because come on, that son of a bitch sound (yes, I’m talking to you ‘Alarm’ on iOS) can sure be a little jackass, am I right? I’m sure there’s a handful of you who have no idea what I’m talking about but I’m also sure there’s a handful of you out there that know exactly what I’m talking about. So, back to my point, are you still trying to figure out if you’re happy or unhappy at work? Here is what I do: I ask myself this- How many times am I willing to snooze before I actually get up? 1-3? I think I may be in the clear. 4+? I think it’s time I brush up that LinkedIn of mine…free premium upgrade? SCORE!

Blair Bee

(Just FYI, those “It wasn’t’s” up there can also be tell-tale signs to stop being a lazy fuck and start taking control of your professional life)

I, Blair Bee, take you, Anonymous,…

… to be my husband but on one condition: Promise To Always Be My Boyfriend.

A lot of people who know me on a more personal level have labeled me as the woman who will always be afraid of marriage. But in all honesty, I’m not afraid to get married. I’m afraid of my marriage turning into a marriage. I’m not sure if that makes much sense but hear me out.

For those of you who are single and utterly afraid of the idea of marriage, I’m sure you somewhat know where I’m coming from. I’m sure everyone reading this (myself included) is all too familiar with what we labeled as ‘The Honeymoon Stage’, but what I don’t understand is why this so-call ‘stage’ is only a phase in the relationship. In the beginning of any relationship, we have those instances where before you know it, you’re spending every waking moment with this person. But I’ve noticed that many (not all) married and soon-to-be married couples are experiencing the complete opposite. After many questions, I’ve learned that most of the married couples I’ve spoken to have most frequently admitted to these following which include my response: 

1. They don’t have time to go out anymore.
I think this is a poor ass excuse for We Should Have Never Gotten Married In The First Place. Make time. You made time in the beginning. What’s stopping you now? Whether it’s a dinner once a week or a dinner once a month. Communication is key. A well-balanced relationship starts with communication and everything else will lead its way. I get it, all of us are busy but if you decided to emotionally invest in this person for the long run, busy just isn’t going to cut it.

2. The kids play a huge factor in their ‘alone’ time.
Some of you may not agree with what I have to say next but tough. I completely, utterly, and without a doubt, support babysitters and daycare options. If you have the finances to hire a babysitter, even once a month, do it. They aren’t going anywhere for 18 years, they will survive one night a month without you or should I say, you’ll survive one night a month without them.

3. We aren’t as emotionally invested anymore because we’re both so stressed out.
Uh, newsflash: That’s why you have each other. For better or for worse. I confided in you in the beginning, why should I stop now? Because our relationship is legal? Because we both signed a marriage license? No. I want my future husband to always be my boyfriend. Be my best friend. Be the man I fell in love with. Our relationship shouldn’t change for the worse because it’s legal. It should change for the better because I vow to always be your girlfriend, wife, best friend, lover. Talk to each other. Again, this is where communication is key comes into play. 

4. Money
Go for a walk. Go to the park. Go get a hotdog. I’m use to starting a relationship with someone with nothing but each other. We walked, we talked, we hung out. You don’t need money to have a healthy relationship. This point can be arguable in the sense that not all of us come from the same background. A few of us are born into a more extravagant lifestyle which is completely understandable. But I feel like if you are emotionally invested in someone, you aren’t with invested in their bank statement, you are with invested in the genuine fact that you enjoy being around them whether $$$ is there or not. 

5. I can’t forget about when he/she did…[insert mundane argument here].
You two need to move on. Never argue historically. Holding a grudge against your spouse for something that happened in the past solves nothing and will only make matters worse. The past is the past. Until death do us part. Does that mean you’re going to hold that ‘one time you blah blah blah’ to your death beds? I didn’t think so. Learn forgiveness. It’ll make you a better person in your marriage and in your overall life.

So, I guess the ending to this whole post is…

To My Future Husband,

Promise to always see me as your girlfriend and not just your wife. Promise me our dating life won’t go to shambles because we both said, “I do.” Go have fun with the boys. Drink beer. Make a fool out of yourself but remember to always treat me like you treated me when we first met. Remember to always pursue me like you did since day one. Promise to always have a sense of wonder because I can guarantee you that I will never stop trying to learn about you. I can’t promise you I won’t change but I promise if I do, it’ll be for the better. Keep me in mind and I’ll keep you in mind. Love me whole-heartedly and love me like I’ll be gone tomorrow. I’m not asking you to constantly buy me flowers or text me everyday, I’m asking you to be on the constant pursuit of the key to my heart (even when you know you already have it).

Forever Your Girlfriend,

Blair Bee

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“Uhh no. I have respect for myself”

As you all may have noticed, I mentioned I would be talking about relationships in my first post. Well, I figured tonight I would talk about just that. It isn’t going to be very long or enlightening but I hope it sheds some light on a few of you who may be currently on a dating website. This first post will be about the very encounter I’m currently having with someone from OkCupid.

I’m not one to really have any expectations or judgements from someones profile so I’ll just jump right into our initial conversation. We’ll call him Tuna.

This is after our typical “How was your day?” ice breaker.

Tuna- “What do you do? Eeh my day was pretty good but then a girl I hit it off with yesterday flaked on me today and then accidentally sent me the wrong text.”
I should have just stopped there and withhold any response but a part of me was intrigued but I knew I shouldn’t go any further into the subject.
Me- “I work for a commercial developer doing marketing and property management. Oh I see.”
Tuna- “That sounds fun!”
Me- “It has its moments. What do you do for a living?”
Tuna- “I dress in plain clothes and watch people all day and stop them if they shoplift. Not ideally what I want to do but I’m working on getting back into school.”
Me- “So, I’m guessing your a security guard?”
Tuna- “Uhh no. I have respect for myself. I dress in regular clothes and watch people. Loss prevention agent. Security guards… make zero decisions and just sit around all day”
Can you fucking blame me for jumping to that conclusion? If you don’t want someone to guess incorrectly, don’t give them some half ass description as to what you do and expect them to be able to pull it out of their ass, dick.
Me- “Oops. I’m not very familiar with your occupation. Whatever you do, no judgement here. Work is work.”
Tuna- “I don’t know why anyone would want to do it. Sorry, that came off rude.”
UHH, yeah buddy, I think rude is an understatement. 
Tuna- “I was talking about the ‘uhh no’ part :P”
Okay, byeee.

Now, here is what I have to say about this short conversation.

Run, run as far and fast away as you can. Whether you’re a female or male, if anyone is ever this pretentious from the start, GET AS FAR AWAY FROM THEM AS POSSIBLE. I’m not one to judge off of occupation. We all need the money, it’s the bread and butter for survival. I will not base my opinion on you, or anyone else for that matter, off what you do for a living.

This, my friends, is a major red flag. If this happens to sound familiar in a sense where you are coming from his point of view- Stop and re-evaluate your values because you need to stop acting like your shit don’t stank. 

A key factor in my ‘dating world’ is the ability to stay humble no matter where you are in life. I’ve learned to never judge a book by its cover. I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to have standards but you should always give someone a chance, no matter what the circumstances are because you might just be pleasantly surprised with the outcome. I mean, come on, you’re already on a dating website. If you’re going to take that plunge, you might as well take it whole-heartedly. Don’t jump to conclusions and don’t set yourself on an imaginary pedestal. You will, just like that guy up there, make yourself look like a complete asshole. Unless they happen to be an asshole too. In that case, I hope the two of you assholes live a happy asshole life with bratty asshole kids.

OH, and don’t talk about previous dates or people you’ve met if the other person didn’t ask. I feel like I shouldn’t even have to stress this but here I am, stressing it. If I wanted to hear about the girl/guy that rejected you, I would have asked. So, if they don’t ask, don’t tell. Obviously, it’s not the best choice of an ice breaker. I mean, come on dude, what the fuck? 

So, you guys “hit it off” and then she flaked and accidentally sent you the wrong text? LOL. I, umm… I mean… I don’t… I don’t even know. Okay. 

And btw, yes, I for damn sure stopped responding.

I’m A Cat Lady & I’m Damn Proud.

We all know of that stigma of being labeled as a ‘Cat Lady’ and you know what I have to say about that? I love my pussy and I’m damn proud of it.

Here’s why (aside from being super freaking adorable, quiet, therapeutic, minimal, and just plain awesome):

M.R., this is for you.

1. They leave you alone. As weird as that may sound, I love the fact that my cat gives me space and isn’t always looking for attention. Don’t get me wrong, I love my cat to death but sometimes you need a little space. This is probably going to sound odd but I think it may have to do something with humans having to actually work for a cat to love you. They don’t give in easily and they make you work for their affection. Also, that one moment they decide to cuddle back. Magical. Hey, Human, you want me to love you? Well, you better work for it. Challenge Accepted.

2. Born Potty Trained. Geez, I love this one. We don’t need to buy pee pads or take them to disciplinary school to learn how to not pee everywhere. From day one, we give them a box of sand and somehow, someway, cats are already genetically imprinted with the “Don’t Fucking Pee On Everything” gene. Thank you, Cat God, thank you so much.

3. This next one is in correlation to the previous. Cats are tremendously clean animals, like to their very core. It really is just great. Especially if you happen to be someone who works long hours and don’t always have time to be at their beckon call. As long as you keep the kitty litter box clean, you are pretty much in the clear for any unwelcome surprises laying around the house.

4. They are especially sassy little creatures. I love the randomness and unexpected cuteness of felines. They surprise you in such little ways that honestly have such an impact on you in such a deeper level. It truly is amazing how many times my cat has pleasantly surprised me with a random cuddle or a quirky little fall. They don’t try to be funny, they’re naturally funny. You never know what they’re thinking, which gives it this element of surprise.

5. Cats are basically a living version of Bug-Off. Literally. Cats are born curious, which makes them the best critter killer. They are natural insect repellents and it’s fucking awesome. Especially if you happen to be like me. I hate spiders (UGH). I hate creepy crawlers. I hate bugs. My cat is my knight in shining armor. He is my personal exterminator.

My point is if you start to question whether you fall into the Cat Lady category or not, take that question(s) and shove it up every reason why you think you may fall into that categories asshole. Embrace it. Love your cat because I’m sure they love you back. Unless you’re a hoarder but that’s a whole different category in itself.

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AWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Damn Your Dog.

I woke up this morning tired, annoyed, and impatient. Let me give you the rundown of my living situation:

Roommates: 4 (2 actual roommates and 2 adopted roommates because the both of them have significant others who practically live there)

Bathroom: 1

Pets: One of my roommates has an English Bulldog and a Cat.

Fucked up, right? Yeah, tell me about it. Instead of just ranting about why I’m so fucking irritated, I’m going to give all you first time roommates a few pointers. Listen carefully. 

Cleanliness: …is fucking key. Especially when you share a small space with multiple people. I don’t give a shit if you grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth or with absolutely nothing. When you share a space with multiple people, learn to clean up after yourself. Whether its washing your dishes after you use them, wiping down the table after you eat, or just taking out the fucking trash when you see that it’s full- everyone plays a part in a tidy household. I don’t give a crap whether your room looks like a bomb went off, communal areas are key. If you use my stuff, clean it. If I use your stuff, I’ll clean it.

Significant Others: I can’t stress this enough guys. If you have a significant other that happens to stay over a lot- Tell Them To Not Fuck With My Routine. I know you know my morning schedule. If you know I wake up at 8am to use the bathroom, tell them to get up at 7:30am to use the bathroom. This especially goes for weekdays. Shit, they shouldn’t even stay over on weekdays but I’m not even going to go there. Be courteous of your roommates schedules. All of us are working professionals, lets act professional here.

Pets: CLEAN UP HIS/HERS SHIT. Walking to the backyard and accidentally stepping on a pile of shit is not how I want to spend my Saturday morning. If you happen to walk into the house and smell some funky odor, it probably means it’s time to take them to the groomers. This is to all cat owners: Clean The Litter Every Single Fucking Day. This is such a vital step to keeping an odor-free home. Your cat(s) will definitely appreciate it, too. Think about it. Would you like having to go the restroom in a box of sand with yesterdays shit in it? I didn’t think so. It’s such a menial task that so many people overlook. It literally takes 5 minutes- grab the scooper, scoop out whatever feces are inside, throw it out, go on with your day. Like nothing even happened. If you happen to have an energetic pet, you should probably hire a walker if you work a 9-5. Being loud as fuck at 11pm on a Monday night because your pet is spracked out of its fucking mind is not cool. Not Cool At All. 

Bathroom: This probably fits under Cleanliness but fuck it, it deserves its own rant. Men: If you shave, clean that shit up. Men think women are so gross but in all honestly, you men are filthy animals. Yes, our hair may get stuck in the shower drain at times but at least our hair drains somewhere. Little tiny stubs of hair follicles that look like mini pubes all over the sink is fucking disgusting. A bathroom is a sanctuary. A place of zen and peace. Not grimy corners filled with small stubs of hair and shaving cream residue with random streaks of yellow on the sink. How the fuck does that even happen? Actually, never mind, don’t answer that. All of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Clean up your pubes. Thanks. Ladies: Yes, we are just as guilty. When you blow dry, wipe the floor down because hair will without a doubt be on the floor. When you spray whatever the hell you like to spray on yourself, make sure you wipe down everything down because I can bet my left tit that you sprayed it on at least 50% of the surface areas in there. Set up a ‘clean the shower drain’ schedule for yourself. It honestly isn’t that bad if you stay consistent. If not, you end up pulling out a baby chewbacca every time and trust me, that baby is not pretty. If you know your sharing a bathroom with multiple individuals, keep your personals somewhere discreet. I know, I know, it’s mother nature but that does not mean tampons and pads should be lying around everywhere. It’s far from sexy and come on, it’s a crazy time for us- you don’t want to give anyone another reason to think about us during that piece of shit 9th circle of hell time of the month. We’re already going through enough. Leaving out our personals will only reminds us that it’s coming and it’s coming with vengeance.

Don’t Be Passive-Aggressive: Don’t leave post-it notes. Don’t ignore the issue. Don’t be rude about it. If you have a concern or an issue, let everyone know. Being passive-aggressive is going to get you nowhere and that goes with all aspects of life but I digress. If something is bothering you, be straight up and forward about it. Speak your mind. Don’t be annoying and just say what you feel. The worst that can happen is you move out and if that does happen, it may be for the better. But be smart about what you say. Don’t say anything out of frustration- you need to mentally prepare yourself and your argument. It should be a valid one and if you have to question whether or not it’s a valid argument, ask for an opinion. Go ahead and ask me. I welcome all questions. My point is, pick your arguments wisely. Having roommates is like having a relationship minus the sex…sometimes. But that’s for another post.

Ah, I’m feeling much better. Aside from being 11 days out from moving, I’m still sad about leaving. We all have our moments, especially when living with other people. You learn to be patient (at times) and you learn a lot about yourself like whether or not you are ready to live with a significant other. This is off topic but I seriously take my hat off to every single one of you couples out there that aren’t married and living together. Kudos, my friends, kudos.

Obviously, I’m not ready.

Bye,

…friend that doesn’t matter anymore.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret, choosing friends wisely doesn’t make you bitch, being friends with someone(s) that you can truthfully say you don’t give two shits about is.

Through many years of trial and error, I’ve come to the realization that if you aren’t benefiting me emotionally or physically for that matter, I see no point in continuing a relationship with you. We grow up thinking our once ‘best friend forever’ will always be there for you but in all honestly, that is complete horse shit. Just because you’ve been friends with someone for more than XYZ years, does not mean you need to stay friends with them. I know that may sound somewhat cold-hearted and unforgiving but really, ain’t nobody got time for that. This especially goes for those in their 20’s. I can’t stress this enough. Stop thinking this person(s) is going to benefit you in some way. If they were, you wouldn’t even have to be questioning them at this very moment (I know you are, it’s okay, I am too). Keep those who really matter around and leave those who don’t out of your life. We all have those going out friends, acquaintances, proximity friends, work friends, random ‘hello and how are you’ friends, etc. I’m not telling you to go and delete every single person you haven’t spoken to recently. I’m telling you to choose wisely. You’ll come to realize that those friends that you should have forgot about a long time ago, they tend to not be so great when your in a moment of need or crisis in your life. Here is what I did to weed out the negatives:

Social Media – I asked myself, “Would I mind you knowing/seeing something potentially very private that may just happen to pop-up on my Facebook, Instagram, etc.?” If the answer was yes, DELETE. Obviously, there’s some underlying reason as to why I would mind and I don’t have the time to go further. You’ve been chopped, old friend. If the answer was no, I kept you. Delete every person you had a falling out with. Fuck them. It only makes things even more awkward that you guys never speak but stay friends on social media. Move on.

Phone – Delete your old high school friends that you’ve obviously lost touch with. Delete your old ‘connects’- if you don’t know what I mean by this, move on. Delete everyone you’ve hooked up with and haven’t spoken to since. Delete those crazy friends that have always happened to get you into some type of trouble whenever you hang out with them. Yeah, you had a good time but we’re old now, we can’t afford thousands of dollars in tickets and bail-outs. Concentrate on keeping a good track record.

Work Friends – Stay friends with those who can benefit you. Stay friends with coworkers that have a good head on their shoulders. Stay friends with people who can potentially help you network to get a better job. Don’t stay friends with that loser you know is just stuck in a rut, drowning in vodka every night at happy hour. You know who they are. Choose. Wisely. 

Acquaintances – Yeah, yeah, yeah… this person is friendly, smart, and quite frankly, normal. Stay friends with them. Just don’t rely on them. Ever. Know who you can rely on and who you can’t rely on because when it comes down to it, this acquaintance probably doesn’t give a crap whether or not you’re emotionally stable or ‘okay’.

Now go on with your bad self and delete away. It’s pretty liberating if I do say so myself.

No Shits Will Be Given.

Date: Monday, February 17, 2014

This marks my first post and honestly, it’s about damn time I finally took the plunge. Lately, I’ve been feeling like a time bomb of thoughts and opinions and I’m looking forward to expressing every single inappropriate thought that goes through this thing I call a brain. I’m sure you’re wondering who I am and why I’m on here. Well, instead of writing a witty About Me, you have two choices, continue reading or move on. I should probably list (below) some stuff that may just come up in topic beforehand. I promise my feelings won’t get hurt if you move on. Don’t expect an essay. I’m one to get to the point; like removing a band-aid, quickly and swiftly.

This blog is the culmination of my highs and lows. It’s a place of honestly and life. Welcome to my mad house.

1. Relationships – Believe me, buddy, I wish I didn’t have to either but I’m on that rollercoaster and shit is getting a little out of hand. I’ve been on Match.com, eHarmony, and OkCupid. Believe me, it has been one damn of a ride and it doesn’t look like it’ll be slowing down anytime soon.

2. Friends – We have some we love, we have some we hate, and we have some that just need to be erased.

3. Opinions – I have pretty fucked up thoughts sometimes and I refuse to force myself to keep these thoughts in. You can agree or you can also disagree, it doesn’t matter to me. Because I can tell you now that No Shits Will Be Given.